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I happen to live near the one of the tragic "school shootings" of the recent past, and I've seen how the grief, anger, heartache and turmoil have impacted our community. It has brought home that a general abhorrence of violence is not enough. While I'm sure others will have different, and perhaps wiser, suggestions about how to reduce violence, here are my Top 10 Ways to Reduce Violence. If you can improve them, I welcome your feedback, but I suspect it may be more important and more useful if you write a letter to your local newspaper or school board. Together, we can reduce and perhaps eliminate violence.

1. Disconnect anger from violence. I am convinced that human beings get angry, and that anger at injustice is often justified. There is healthy anger that insists, "There has to be a better way!" I shutter when I hear parents tell children, "You shouldn't be angry." Tell them instead, "You're feelings are OK, you can be angry, but you may not hit or hurt others."

2. See the connection between the love of violence and violence itself. Fascination with brutality, guns and bombs, war and evil must increase the chances for violent behavior. I can't prove that, it just seems likely to me.

3. See the connection between all levels of violence. Insults and taunting, humiliation and shaming are forms of violence. When we treat people badly, it should not surprise us when they seek a way to "get even."

4. Take all violence seriously. Playground bullies and sibling rivalries do not have to be accepted as part of life, at least not when children are getting hurt. Kids squabbling over "my toy" is one thing; hitting or pulling hair or knocking each other down is something else. We do not have to accept it as normal behavior.

5. Take troubled, angry people seriously. We talk about needing more early intervention with troubled kids, and I agree. But people of all ages get trapped in situations they can't handle, with emotions they don't know how to express. Domestic violence, violence among co-workers and among children should always be treated as a serious matter. Hitting and hurting, and threatening to hurt, are not OK.

6. Deal with the availability of guns. Knives, cars, and a thousand other things also kill people, but guns have a unique place in the American imagination. Of course, they also have a place in the rich tradition of hunting and target shooting. I don't have all the answers, but hunting seems different than having military-style weapons available in millions of homes across the country. There must be a better system.

7. Acknowledge the connection between violent images and violent behavior. I abhor censorship, so this is a tough one. But if 30-second images can sell us lipstick and Buicks, and change the way we vote, it seems likely that hours and hours of explosions, shootings, fights and mayhem may also influence behavior. To be blunt, I am particularly troubled by the violence in video games and the number of violent "action adventure" movies we support as a culture. Something strange is going on!

8. Acknowledge the connection between sports and violent behavior. Again, sports is a sacred icon in American culture, but it seems that sports have been separated from athletics. Instead of every child participating in gym class and competing in intramural sports, we have a culture of super-hero super-stars who are virtually above the law. Hockey, basketball, football and other sports all tolerate behavior that would result in arrest for assault outside the sports arena. Competition and fitness are valuable; organized violence is not acceptable!

9. Acknowledge the connection between language and violence. Business uses the language of the battlefield, and sports is full of encouragement to "get out there and kill", "massacre them", and "beat their brains out". Our legal system is based on the idea of lawyer's doing battle. While hiring a representative to fight with words instead of clubs was a huge step forward in the middle ages, perhaps our society is ready for an even higher level of conflict resolution.

10. See the violence in ourselves. Sometimes I find myself so angry I "daydream" about violence, or "really showing them". I hear jokes that use the phrase, "Just shoot the bastards!" I know if "looks could kill" or if cutting statements actually drew blood, I'd be in deep trouble. Violence is not just someone else's problem. I must work for peace, love and improved conflict resolution in my own life. How about you?

There is little doubt that reading, 'riting and 'rithmetic are crucial elements in the education of any child. A child's ability to later cope in the adult world, to have a career, to take charge of his financial affairs and to live independently depends to a large extent on his mastery of these skills.

Unfortunately many children are deprived of the privilege of an abundant adult life. The $14 million National Literacy Survey of 1993 found that even though most adults in this survey had finished high school, 96% of them could not read, write and figure well enough to go to college. Even more to the point, 25% "were plainly unable to read," period.

Surely this is unacceptable. Imagine doing a survey on the building industry and finding that the walls of 96% of all homes are severely cracked, and that in 25% of the houses the walls are so weak that they collapse. Wouldn't we immediately start an investigation into the building practices of the builders? Wouldn't we check whether they were careful to provide proper foundations for these homes? We all know that before building a house, one needs to lay a foundation. Unless there is a strong and solid foundation, cracks will soon appear in the walls, and if there are no foundations, the walls will collapse.

In the same way one needs to lay a proper foundation before it becomes possible for a child to benefit from a course in reading, writing and arithmetic. If this foundation is shaky, learning "cracks" will soon appear. The right time to start laying this foundation is the day a child is born.

Readiness for the three R's is a highly specialized task that few parents - also those who realize the importance of preschool education - are prepared for. A tragic defect of our society is the fact that we are not allowed to take upon ourselves the responsibility of doing the work of a policeman, or of a teacher, or of an attorney, or of any other work without having undergone prior training. No training, however, is provided on how to raise children. We become parents without realizing that, for the sake of our children, we should make an in-depth study of the issues that concern their intellectual development.

CLIMBING THE LEARNING LADDER

It is important to note that learning is a stratified process, in which one skill has to be acquired FIRST, BEFORE it becomes possible to acquire subsequent skills. It is like climbing a ladder, if you miss one of the rungs you will fall off.

Di dunia kini kita, tiap orang harus dapat membaca.... Unless one has FIRST learned to speak Bahasa Indonesia, there is no way that one would be able to read the above Indonesian sentence.

This shows that language is at the very bottom of the learning ladder. Its role in the acquisition of the three R's can be compared to the role of running in the game of soccer or ice-skating in the game of ice hockey. One cannot play soccer if one cannot run, and one cannot play ice hockey if one cannot skate. One cannot read a book in a language - and least of all write - unless one knows the particular language.

If a child's knowledge of English is poor, then his reading will also be poor. Evidence that links reading problems and language problems has been extensively presented in the literature. Research has, for example, shown that about 60% of dyslexics were late talkers. In order to prevent later reading problems, parents must therefore ensure that a child is exposed to sufficient opportunities to learn language.

THE SECOND RUNG IS NON-VERBAL SKILLS

While verbal skills comprise the first rung of the learning ladder, non-verbal skills comprise the second. There is a whole conglomeration of non-verbal skills that are foundational to learning. Skills of importance include concentration, visual discrimination, accurate observation and memorizing, skills of association and auditory memory. These are functions that should be taught at preschool level to form the foundation of good reading, writing and arithmetic.

One visual discriminatory skill that plays a very important role in reading is the ability to distinguish between left and right. Like all the other non-verbal skills, this ability is not innate. It must be taught. In fact, knowledge of left and right must be drilled in to such an extent that it becomes automatic.

The human body consists of two halves, a left side and a right side. The human brain also has two halves, which are connected by the corpus callosum. A person will therefore interpret everything he encounters in terms of his own sidedness. A child, however, who has not adequately internalized his own sidedness, will be prone to incorrect interpretations in terms of sidedness. One such a situation, where sidedness plays a particularly important role, is when a person is expected to distinguish between a "b" and a "d." It is clear that the only difference between the two letters is the position of the straight line - it is either left or right.

It is important to note that a person who is confused about left and right cannot use mnemonics or memory aids while reading, as is often advised by experts. One recommendation is that children should remember that "left" is the side on which they wear their watch. Another is that one should put nail polish on the little finger of the student's left hand in order to teach him that reading and writing start on the left-hand side of the paper. These tricks never work to improve reading ability. This is just like going to China with a Chinese dictionary and then hoping to be able to speak Chinese. One has to LEARN to speak Chinese. In the same way one has to LEARN to correctly interpret sidedness.

Only when a child has climbed the first and second rung, will he be prepared for the third rung, i.e. the three R's. Remember that every journey starts with a first step. Unless you help your child to make the first step, he will not successfully complete the learning journey.

How can you manage your phobias and other related fears while being in a relationship? It can be tough to be in a relationship and have to deal with your fears and other phobias.

One of the ways to manage your particular phobia is to find out what exactly is your fear. If you have trouble finding out what that fear may be, then try to talk to a professional who can help you figure out what the fear may be. Once you know what the fear is, then the next step is to find the ways to deal with that fear.

For instance, one of the ways to manage your fear is to challenge your negative thinking with positive statements and realistic thinking. When encountering thoughts that make your fearful or anxious, challenge those thoughts by asking yourself questions that will maintain objectivity and common sense. For example, your afraid that if you do not get that job promotion then you will be stuck at your job forever. This depresses you, however your thinking in this situation is unrealistic. The fact of the matter is that there all are kinds of jobs available and just because you dont get this job promotion doesnt mean that you will never get one. In addition, people change jobs all the time, and you always have that option of going elsewhere if you are unhappy at your present location. Changing your thinking can help you manage your fears.

Sometimes, we may be nervous doing a certain task that may be scary. When this happens, visualize yourself doing the task in your mind. For instance, you and your team have to play in the championship hockey game in front of a large group of people in the next few days. Before the big day comes, imagine yourself playing the game in your mind. Imagine that your playing in front of a large audience. By playing the game in your mind, you will be better prepared to perform for real when the time comes. Self Visualization is a great way to reduce the fear and stress of a coming situation.

When facing a current or upcoming task that overwhelms you with a lot of anxiety, divide the task into a series of smaller steps and then complete each of the smaller tasks one at a time. Completing these smaller tasks will make the stress more manageable and increases your chances of success.

As a layman, I realize it is not easy to overcome our phobias. Remember that sometimes our worrying and fears can make the problem even worse. Take things in stride and try not focus too much on the problem. In time, you will find the ways to overcome your phobia. If you have trouble, talk to a professional who can give you additional insights on your situation.

It would appear that Swindon Town have been keeping an eye on Football England recently, at least that's what I'm claiming anyway. Since I tipped them as most likely to stay up in the now ferocious relegation battle, they haven't put a foot wrong.

This was confirmed by another good win at home to Doncaster Rovers on Saturday.

The 2-1 victory, gives them three on the bounce on the row, and confidence seems to have been restored. Any struggling teams yet to visit the County Ground - beware.

Manager Iffy Onoura was well pleased with the latest result, and also seems optimistic of survival. Perhaps he's also in a good mood because the proposed television project featuring Big Ron has been booted into row z, early doors.

At the top, Southend reconfirmed their promotion credentials with a fine 2-0 away defeat of Yeovil, which keeps them top. Shaun Goater scored the second, and his goals could be vital in the remainder of the season.

Brentford too perhaps have been reading this column. Last week I voiced a concern that letting DJ Campbell disappear to Birmingham for a pittance could harm their promotion aspirations. Seems I'm wrong.

The Bees absolutely paggered Walsall 5-0, proving that they can score without the DJ (League one player of the month for Jan), and heaping misery on a forlorn Paul Merson. Brentford still look nicely poised, sitting 5th with games in hand. Walsall look to be in terminal decline, and Merson has hinted that he will quit if results don't improve.

Colchester continue to make us marvel at their impressive record this term. A comfortable 3-1 home win over Bradford City, after going 1-0 down racks up a club record of nine consecutive wins, and perhaps more impressively winning 19 out of 21.

Bradford went ahead through stocky veteran Dean Windass just before half time - the chunky striker is still a force to be reckoned with at this level. The game, now a tough test, was turned by the inspirational Richard Garcia who headed home twice early in the secone half. Garcia has now notched 6 in his last 4 games. A confident display was rounded off by Chris Iwelumo, also heading in just after the hour.

Colchester must now believe they can go up without the lottery of the play offs - they sit second, 1 point behind Southend, with a game in hand.

Also at the top, Barnsley have slipped in unnoticed in recent weeks, while others have floundered. A 2-0 victory over Bristol City at home this weekend lifts them into fourth spot. Much of this recent form can be attributed to striker Marc Richards, who bagged both goals, bringing his tally to 10 in the last 15 outings. His first was an exquisite finish after lobbing a defender on his approach.

Back at the bottom, a predictable dour affair between Rotherham & Hartlepool ended 0-0. Both these sides are in deep trouble and must turn the corner soon or bye bye. Hartlepool were under the instruction of Youth team coach Paul Stephenson for the first time after the much publicised turmoil at the club. Hopefully he can get them on track.

MK Dons look to be adrift without a paddle after going down 2-0 to Scunthorpe. Scunny will be glad of the points to keep them above water, thanks again to their prolific goal getter Billy Sharp. Another brace for Sharp put the game away after just 10 minutes.

As for the Dons - it looks like they are going. Will anybody miss them?

Blackpool continue to show great determination at home, and look to have what it takes to stay up. The Seasiders were very unlucky to take only the 1 point from their home meeting with Notts Forest.

A creditable 8,399 turned out for this 2-2 draw in which Blackpool were always in control, until the last minute equaliser by Forest's Julian Bennett.

Oldham Athletic tripped themselves up by going down 1-0 in an eminently winnable game at home to Port Vale. This leaves the Latics adrift by 7 points from the play off spots. Manager Ronnie Moore knows he has to improve quickly.

Finally, Chesterfield kept up their unbeaten run and their play off hopes with a late home equaliser against Gillingham. Chesterfiald lie in 7th, with the Gills out of trouble, for the moment.